Comedy of errors
21 Sep 2010
Saru bosses will this week review Peter de Villiers’ tenure as Springbok coach. MARK KEOHANE, writing in Business Day Sport Monthly, looks at what they might find.
Go to Google and type in the name of Springbok coach Peter de Villiers. What you find are ramblings and articles and sites dedicated to the man’s quote hall of fame.
I went in search of the rugby talk behind the man: his philosophy and his views of the game. I looked for his reasoning when his team won and rugby talk about why they lost. I looked for reasons to justify why he is a rugby coach and good enough to be the coach of world champions.
I found nothing of substance about Peter de Villiers and rugby.
There is only a list of laughable quotes, compiled by every Neville Nobody of the blogging world, and every leading newspaper in the rugby world.
Victories and defeats define most coaches. Comedy defines De Villiers, whom the Australasian rugby media called part-time coach and full-time comedian.
The Sydney Morning Herald’s chief rugby writer Greg Growden wrote that De Villiers was to rugby what Richard Pryor was to comedy – the word hilarious was used, not the word inspirational.
I wanted to reflect De Villiers’ rugby insights to the defeats and his analysis of the victories of 2009 that followed the losses of 2008 and 2010. What I got were accusations of conspiracy, referee bias and the absolute disbelief that his team ever loses. The more he watches the match tape, he said, the more he doesn’t know how his team lost.
In reflecting on finishing last in the 2010 Tri-Nations, De Villiers said there was nothing wrong with his team selections, his use of substitutions or a defensive system that conceded 22 tries in six Tri-Nations Tests.
He also did not see any reason for concern that the Boks had lost eight of their past 11 Tests to Australia, New Zealand, France and Ireland.
Everything was looking good for a successful defence of the World Cup in New Zealand next year. Instead of rugby talk, this is the internet script on De Villiers the Bok coach.
‘If we want to eye-gouge any Lions we will go down to the bushveld like we do and eye-gouge them there.’
When the British and Irish media asked De Villiers how he could justify eye-gouging, he responded: ‘If we are going on like this, why don’t we go to the nearest ballet shop, get some tutus and get a dancing shop going? There will be no eye-gouging, no tackling, no nothing and we will enjoy it.’
Other quotes, as listed on sarugbyblog.com and several other sites, included: ‘What we try to tell them is when you point your finger into the sky, don’t concentrate on the finger because you’ll miss all the heavenly glory out there. Concentrate on the heavenly glory you can bring and make yourselves so fulfilled.’
When asked to explain a Bok defeat, he responded: ‘There’s little difference between winning and losing, except you feel better after winning.’
When asked to explain his culpability as coach, he went one better than urging his players to look beyond their fingers when pointing to the sky. He said: ‘The same people who threw their robes on the ground when Jesus rode on a donkey were the same people who crowned him and hit him with sticks, and were the same people who said afterwards how we shouldn’t have done that, he’s the son of God. So that’s exactly what we do. You have to look at history as repeating itself. And I’m not saying that I’m God.’
When criticised for a lack of coaching pedigree he retorted: ‘I’m a God-given talent, I’m the best I can ever be. So what you think doesn’t bother me. I know what I am and I don’t give a damn.’
When asked if he would do anything different after losing: ‘I won’t change my style, if I change my style I will change Peter de Villiers, and then I would have to tell God that he made a mistake when he made me.’
When asked what his style was, he said: ‘People say we want to play a Peter de Villiers style of rugby. What the devil is that? Let me explain it to you. There was a time when we were isolated [due to apartheid] but when we came back what we didn’t do was look at where we were strong. Instead we copied the model of the Australians and became more structured. We thought that was the only model available.
‘We just need to add a component to our game. We need players making decisions and playing the situation. It’s been very difficult [to implement this way of thinking]. Players are so used to playing on to each other, it’s a new thing to be making split-second decisions. With this kind of game comes responsibility. I know it’s hard [for the players] because they then have to take responsibility for what they do. But whatever decision they make, I will support the players even though I won’t always agree with that decision. We didn’t say we will [sic] win or lose.
According to De Villiers no team can control winning and losing, but before the Welsh Test in Cardiff earlier this year he rubbished Welsh talk that the Boks were vulnerable because he had not selected several first-choice players. He told the Welsh: ‘We will give them a psychological advantage and we cannot allow that. We’ve read in the papers here that they believe South Africa are ripe for the picking. They’re comparing us with some fruit from a Welsh fruit farm but they need to know that when you pick fruit, it isn’t just apples and pears; there are prickly pears as well. We want to be a prickly pear for them this Saturday.’
In keeping with fruit, this was his response to winning the Tri-Nations in 2009: ‘We are very organised at the moment, we don’t want to become a fruit salad.’
In 2010, however, the Boks were the fruit salad he wanted to avoid, although De Villiers felt there was a referee conspiracy and that the world had turned on his Boks because they were so good.
He said: ‘Speaking to IRB referees boss Paddy O’ Brien is a complete waste of time … People don’t want to see other teams being successful. That is my biggest problem at the moment. We can’t go public about certain things because we don’t have all the evidence, but the body language of certain officials when things went against us in that game made us worry … The officials were so happy when decisions went against us on the day. I am talking about the No 1 rugby team in the world. Shouldn’t they really get the other guys to that level? … Or do they want to break things down so that the game can become mediocre and everyone has a chance to win it? We don’t want to dwell on that point, but if that is the case, then I feel I am wasting my time by talking to them. I will then have to reconsider talking to them.’
De Villiers has consistently remained defiant and never felt the need to be anything but himself, as he put it. ‘I’ve got a job to do.
I think I’m a strong individual, a strong character. I don’t care what people think about me, I don’t care what people say about me. It’s what I think about me and myself – and I love myself a lot.’
But when former All Blacks and New Zealand Maori prop Craig Dowd called him a puppet De Villiers demanded an apology and accused Dowd of being racist.
A year later former Australian hooker Brendan Cannon called De Villiers a clown. The Springboks and De Villiers demanded an apology from Cannon, saying the word ‘clown’ had no place in rugby.
A week later De Villiers, in his column on the official Saru website, wrote that when a Bok coach wins he is superman and when he loses he is a clown.
On beating the All Blacks in 2009 he said: ‘We went wild, wild wild – and some of the guys went wilder than that.’
When commenting on why the Boks lost two consecutive Tests to New Zealand in 2010 he accused the opposition of cheating at the ruck.
‘I do not like to prepare guys to cheat and it seems to me to be the only way forward if you want to be on top of those kind of things, and that’s 70% of our game.’
De Villiers, when he succeeded Jake White, said his philosophy of life was that even the bad days were good days, and in the past three years his belief is that there have only been good days.
When questioned about the good days that came with hardship, he again referred to the Bible. ‘If you see how Joseph got out of the pit and ended up in the palace, but between the pit and the palace there was a moerse lot of kak.’
De Villiers, whether he cares to admit it, is in the pit once again. Just when he thought he had made it to rugby’s palace in 2009, he’s back where he was in 2008, taking a beating from New Zealand and Australia.
He remains undeterred, telling the media, the South African public and his employers that he is on track for the World Cup and he can’t understand the panic.
As one blogger so aptly asked, is De Villiers a misunderstood genius or a clown? To which another blogger so aptly responded: ‘The King is Dead; long live the Clown.’
– This article first appeared in the September issue of Business Day Sport Monthly, which is distributed free with the newspaper on the second last Friday of every month.
174 Comments
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21 Sep 2010, 16:57 pm
@sparticus(sparticus)-47: i heard as well today that he wont play for sharks again this year in CC….maybe a very long break and conditioning program will assist…..
But imo Bissy is far better….in many respects.
Maybe Smit from the bench….
21 Sep 2010, 16:57 pm
@pompies2(pompies2)-44:
21 Sep 2010, 17:03 pm
@poppa69(poppa69)-37: “look, last year I complained about the refs (probably one of the very few kiwis who did), but I gave that up after the 3Ns finished…” – Poppa the innocent…. Bwahahahahaha… Hows your mind… so precious and so far up your ownarse you fib like you tell the truth… typical precious little kiwi….
21 Sep 2010, 17:06 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-53: isnt your wife calling, time for you to slip back under her thumb..
theres a good little nancy boy..
21 Sep 2010, 17:14 pm
@poppa69(poppa69)-54: jeez you and panty run out of material…? at least my banshee don’t go baa-ah-aaa…
21 Sep 2010, 17:24 pm
this is going to stick in horua’s craw.
SMS ‘uncovered’ – Absa lied
2010-09-21 17:00Email | Print
Oregan Hoskins (Gallo Images)
Johannesburg – Civil rights group AfriForum had “uncovered” an SMS “showing Absa lied about race in rugby”, executive director Kallie Kriel said on Tuesday.
“The SMS shows that Absa was dishonest when it stated in the media and in a meeting with AfriForum that it does not prescribe racial quotas for the selection of rugby teams and does not put pressure on SA Rugby Union (SARU) to select fewer white players for Currie Cup teams,” Kriel said in a statement.
The statement was headlined, “AfriForum uncovers SMS showing Absa lied about race in rugby”.
Absa spokesperson Ajith Bridgraj said the bank was in the process of drafting a response.
The AfriForum statement came after Absa denied in a report in Rapport newspaper at the weekend that it supported rugby quotas.
Last week, reports surfaced that Absa, sponsor of the Currie Cup, had expressed concern over a lack of transformation in rugby.
This caused AfriForum to launch a “Stop Absa Quotas” campaign, with many people threatening to close their Absa bank accounts.
Absa responded in the Rapport article on Sunday, with deputy chief executive Louis von Zeuner saying: “We have never said a team should include a certain number of players of colour.”
But on Tuesday, Kriel said AfriForum, which was criticised for launching the campaign prematurely, had found evidence contradicting Von Zeuner’s weekend statement.
“The exact wording of the SMS that Louis von Zeuner, deputy chief executive of Absa, sent to the president of SARU, Oregan Hoskins, after the Currie Cup matches played on September 11 is as follows:
‘Regan, I think you should write to the major unions on black players -judging from today’s games Lions 2, Bulls 1, Cheetahs 2 – they are not respecting the spirit and goals of transformation. Louis.’
Kriel said Absa had “since admitted to AfriForum that Von Zeuner sent the mentioned SMS to Hoskins”.
“Hoskins’ threatening letter to provincial rugby unions, in which he insists that fewer white and more black players be selected, was a direct result of the SMS and was sent two days after the SMS.”
Kriel said thousands of members of the public had already shown support for the “Stop Absa Quotas” campaign, which include a petition on their website and the creation of a Facebook page.
“In light of Absa’s lies, AfriForum is intensifying its campaign against Absa…
“If Absa does not apologise in public for its conduct that points to an obsession with race, the public will let their money do the talking against Absa,” said Kriel.
Bridgraj said the bank was aware of the AfriForum statement and that it was in the process of getting an update on the situation.
21 Sep 2010, 17:40 pm
Jake White’s Winning Ways…
21 Sep 2010, 17:43 pm
can someone please explain what on earth Jake White’s Winning Way (PTY) Ltd was actually supposed to do?
21 Sep 2010, 17:43 pm
It’s frustrating that he still makes the news even when he doesn’t do anything newsworthy.
In other countries the joke would have been appreciated for a while but then cast out once the novelty had worn off.
In South Africa the joke is allowed to linger and fill the room like bad gas without the common decency of an apology.
21 Sep 2010, 17:43 pm
Refer: 56 GUNTHER
Now where in hell is SKOPSKIET?
When I wrote that I would close my account with ABSA the
“a” hole went off on his racial tirades again.
You see skopdrol I do not work alone, he, he, he call me the third force from now on
21 Sep 2010, 17:47 pm
@gunther(gunther)-56: Schweet… and the house built on sand all falls down…
21 Sep 2010, 17:48 pm
@gunther(gunther)-56: What do you get when you take the biggest banking group in SA and hand it over to a bunch of “comrades” with more ideology than business sense?
Exactly.I’m sure Barcklays are loving their aquisition right about now.
21 Sep 2010, 17:54 pm
@stormersboy(stormersboy)-62: There is big sh.it there at the moment… HG knows someone who knows someone who may or may not draft or validate absa’s public responses… Big, big poo
21 Sep 2010, 17:55 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-61: I’m sure Tacitus is loving his Mzanzi chequing account at the moment too!
21 Sep 2010, 17:58 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-63: I see…..yeah I imagine the Marketing department is scurrying for cover….I’m going to call my broker in the morning and see if there are any well priced PUT Warrants for ABSA out there…
21 Sep 2010, 18:00 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-63: I’ve typically found it far more dependable to capitalise on someone’s mis-fortune than the opposite…
Thank heavens for derivatives…
21 Sep 2010, 18:06 pm
@stormersboy(stormersboy)-65: lol…
@stormersboy(stormersboy)-66: they always say going greek is dirty but nice…
21 Sep 2010, 18:09 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-67: LOL i’m sure I’ve nooo idea what you’re talking about…
21 Sep 2010, 18:11 pm
@stormersboy(stormersboy)-68: Derivatives only… the greeks, obviously?
nothing else definitely…
21 Sep 2010, 18:21 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-69: My mate went greek once. He said it’s not all it’s ‘cracked’ up to be…
21 Sep 2010, 18:24 pm
.
Save Krusty !
21 Sep 2010, 18:25 pm
While I am VERY upset with the Bok coaches (all 3) and the players for some of the performances in the 3 Nations, this kind of cherry-picking of comments out of context is not fair and not accurate.
If you look at the questions being asked of him, his metaphors make sense, even if its in an original way.
He is also an Afrikaans speaker and so that has a certain way of sounding in English.
Its very high and mighty to ridicule him, but try and handle a press conference as Bok coach Keo – or any of us!
Why dont you offer solutions and show your “journalistic” talents?
Most of us wouldve thought the same thing as PDiv:
- Boks dominant in 2009
- S14 final an SA affair
- Stormers beat all NZ sides
- Bulls won overseas
- Cheetahs drew a game oversea
- Sharks looked good
Now when they sat and started to plan, Im sure the senior players in the meeting said ” we want to play 3Nations”. Im sure the coaches and players thought ” this is our best shot to retain 3Nations title” and “if we do that, its a massive boost for RWC 2011″.
And we all wouldve picked our A team and gone to NZ thinking we had a good chance.
No one wouldve predicated it would turn out like it did.
No coach coaches players to miss tackles, knock on passes and commit yellow-card infringments.
No coach can coach against INCOMPETENT and bias referees (eg. Henry in 2007 RWC).
Yes there were selections and decisions that couldve been much better, but lets not get carried away.
Lets be a
21 Sep 2010, 18:27 pm
@stormersboy(stormersboy)-70: Eish, earning the Brown Wings award for achievement requires great courage…
21 Sep 2010, 18:58 pm
blah blah keo..trying to divert attention from your dealings with jake the snake…divvy is going to the WC! I see kamp staalgat gave you the confidence to open your trap more often
21 Sep 2010, 18:58 pm
jj harmse on MetroFM talking about the Absa issue.
21 Sep 2010, 18:59 pm
Heaven’s Game @63
Ahh the old janitor’s union..
21 Sep 2010, 19:03 pm
@gunther(gunther)-76: Janitors’ always have a union…
21 Sep 2010, 19:05 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-77: The workers must unite against the petty bourgeoisie…
21 Sep 2010, 19:06 pm
@Heavens Game(Heavens Game)-77: The workers must always unite against the petty bourgeoisie…
21 Sep 2010, 19:09 pm
kallie kriel now on the radio…
21 Sep 2010, 19:11 pm
Hey, Boy George @ 55
“run out of material” wouldn’t look quite so bereft of imagination if you hadn’t followed it immediately with a Kiwi-sheep joke.
Sing us another one !
21 Sep 2010, 19:18 pm
I see the ANC has raised 30 million rond by selling access to their NGC.
That should pay the bar tab.
Or maybe not.
21 Sep 2010, 19:19 pm
“accusations of conspiracy, referee bias and the absolute disbelief that his team ever loses.”
Keo, can you please explain how this differentiates Krusty from any other Safa, incl yourself ?! And let’s not be so foolhardy as to limit that to the time apportioned to Krustys reign, but in the name of accuracy also to the Boks and fans since post-isolation in 1992
21 Sep 2010, 19:24 pm
Here’s another one for you blackpants
Ba Ba all blacks have you any world cups?
One sir one sir only just the one.
One in 87 none in 91 none in 95
None in 99 none in 2003 none in 2007.
21 Sep 2010, 19:26 pm
@Black Panther(Black Panther)-83: sounds like Grunters made a “declaration of war”
perhaps hes professional enough to actual be able to manage something..
though I doubt it..
21 Sep 2010, 19:31 pm
In other news disgraced former CEO’s khaya “first class” (saa) Dali “change the channel” Mpofu ( sabc) and suspended labour department directo-general Jimmy “the knife” were seen hobnobbing at the ANC’s NGC.
Talk about the fat boys club.
21 Sep 2010, 19:31 pm
Gunther
TriN – gone
World 7s – gone
Mandela Plate – gone
3-0 to 0-3 = pride gone.
Talk is cheap. Keep talking Bill, because it’s all you got.
21 Sep 2010, 19:37 pm
@Black Panther(Black Panther)-87: dont forget the freedom cup..
quite the oxymoron when in SA hands…
21 Sep 2010, 19:39 pm
Pantie
Sounds like your boys last year.
Until you got the refs to blow the game differently.
I look forward to next year.
Pressure on your boys at home will be immense.
And we all know how much the boys love pressure.
Cough
Splutter
21 Sep 2010, 19:39 pm
Pantie
Sounds like your boys last year.
Until you got the refs to blow the game differently.
I look forward to next year.
Pressure on your boys at home will be immense.
And we all know how much the boys love pressure.
Cough
Splutter
Gasp
21 Sep 2010, 19:41 pm
Choke.
21 Sep 2010, 19:43 pm
The fishing line is out and you’re all getting caught.
21 Sep 2010, 19:51 pm
Poops
A declaration of war?
Did you not get the memo?
Its a game!
You big hairy poephol.
21 Sep 2010, 19:55 pm
@gunther(gunther)-93: theres that intellectual wit again…
speak to Origami hoskins, your paperweight of a president..
21 Sep 2010, 20:01 pm
Poops
You seem obsessed by my intellect.
I suggest you speak to Steve Chewonthis.
Your blow up doll of a president.
21 Sep 2010, 20:04 pm
Gunther
I would say that 3-0 to 0-3 and 1-2 to the Aussies, despite a favourable draw and every home match at altitude (aka ‘loaded dice’) was somewhat closer to a true choke than anything Heimlech ever anticipated. With each gasp for breath, out *popped* yet another trophy only to be hastily replaced with your very own pre-tournament arrogance rammed back in their place.
The wonderful thing about Safas obsessing about the RWC is that we know this follows yet another loss. So try to limit yourself now because it could be a long 12mths. Aye.
21 Sep 2010, 20:06 pm
@gunther(gunther)-95: its the lack of intellect that astounds me, I thought a human body needed a functioning brain… you obviously prove it doesnt..
blow up doll hahahah
seems this year PDV was the blown up doll, along with 15 men wearing green jerseys..
they all got right royally shafted didnt they?
oh wait, bring up the WC again
21 Sep 2010, 20:11 pm
Black pants
A favourable draw.
Playing 3 games in a row twice?
Okaay.
How do you manage to blog with pooper’s head up yer trumpet?
Enjoy your victories.
Next year is the big one!
21 Sep 2010, 20:19 pm
@Black Panther(Black Panther)-96: now its back to the old fillip of the draw..
geees, just how deep does this conspiracy go?
perhaps they were all just “tired”
21 Sep 2010, 20:50 pm
Poopnappy
Blackie mentioned the draw.
I am starting to become concerned.
Hardenthefuckup.
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