Rathbone reveals troubled past
31 Jan 2012
Clyde Rathbone says his struggles with anger and depression are linked to the emotional abuse he suffered as a child.
On Tuesday, the former Wallabies winger posted a revealing account. Rathbone admitted that he has battled with depression, and now that he has faced his demons he wants the world to know the truth.
‘I was born in South Africa 30 years ago I’m the oldest of 4 boys, I had a difficult childhood, I was abused emotionally by someone who should have been looking after me. And it had a huge effect on me,’ Rathbone wrote.
‘A number of things can happen when you’ve been emotionally abused. Every negative thing I heard about myself, things that were said repeatedly to me became my truth, I started to believe that negative voice until it became ingrained, it affected me in nearly everything that I did and every decision I made.’
Rathbone went on to say how sport provided him with an outlet for his anger. He captained the Baby Boks to the junior world title in 2002 before receiving a contract offer from the ACT Brumbies. The KwaZulu-Natalian later graduated to the Wallabies Test side, and because of these successes he tried to convince himself that what had transpired in his younger years was of no relevance.
‘The fact is those issues never left me completely, they would express themselves in many ways. I would be angry or irritable or feel tension and stress and not really know why but for the most part I would say I functioned as well as I could and anyone who met me would think I was completely “normal”. And I maintained that fictitious existence for years.’
A string of injuries eventually forced Rathbone to retire at the age of 27, and without that sporting outlet, he slipped deeper into depression.
‘Though my body was broken I agreed to play some minor level club rugby. I injured myself in a match and needed surgery to insert a titanium plate in my face. I was on a lot of painkillers and I would go days when I would hardly get out of bed. I felt despairingly low all day, I had no motivation or optimism, I began having suicidal thoughts.’
It was during this time that the depression started to effect Rathbone’s marriage, and he eventually told his wife about what had happened to him when he was a child. After failing to help Rathbone through this troubled time, his wife left. It was after her departure that Rathbone began to see a psychologist and address his issues.
‘For the last six months I’ve been completely free of any sort of depression, I experience the general ups and downs of life and every now and again you get a curve ball thrown your way but at no point have I ever felt as though I’m becoming depressed or that I’m slipping back into old habits.
‘I think of my mind in the same way I think about a broken bone that heals stronger than it was before. I feel indestructible, I rarely flinch and when I do I make sure [I] forge ahead anyway.
‘I need everyone I know and everyone I don’t to read this,’ Rathbone wrote. ‘I need that for me but mostly I just need to tell my wife that I love her and that I’m sorry, and that anything she chooses to do for her happiness is the right decision. I need her to know that she should never settle for happier than she’s been in 10 years when what she deserves is happier than she ever imagined you could be.’
For Rathbone’s full account, click here
10 Comments
31 Jan 2012, 23:39 pm
Good luck Clyde. You are one of nicest sportsmen it has ever been my pleasure to meet.
31 Jan 2012, 23:51 pm
Poor bloke had some bad luck too, had a helluva time with injury. Could have all been quite different had he perhaps played for the Boks in 2005 when JW wanted him. He and habana on each wing would’ve been devastating.
1 Feb 2012, 01:07 am
nobody ever said life on this planet was going to be a picnic, its a g’dam hell hole actually if anyone really wanna know the truth of it
Ruben Kruger, Andre Venter, Joost Vd Westhuizen, Clyde Rathbone, .., how many others wanna attest to it
It ain’t no picnic its the maze of mayhem where every living organism feasts on each other and through the mire of delusion the mind seeks a modicum of tranquility amongst all the madness.
1 Feb 2012, 01:30 am
Do you think those negative voices could have been the 52000 sharks supporters telling him he is traitor, every time he ran onto the shark tank.
1 Feb 2012, 02:17 am
@Cannon-4: not to mention the first time he wore aus colours in SA. the crowd were baying for his blood.
it seems amazing to me that these high profile players have such mundane everyday life problems.
with all their success u forget they’re just human sometimes
good on clyde for coming out with it. this is the silent disease that afflicts more of the population than any1 is willing to admit.
1 Feb 2012, 02:53 am
@Cannon-4: @man1a-5:
He soon shut all of them up with his brilliant try to take the test win…
@ashampoopaloo-3:
You can add DAvid Pocock to that list… recently finished his book (where all the procedes are going to a sustainable village he’s helping in Zim)…
The nightmare of being forced off land with nothing and the deaths of family and friends in the process had him with a severe case of depression and Bulimia of all things… very good read…
1 Feb 2012, 03:37 am
The actual photo’s of Clyde are here:
http://www.ruggaworld.com/2012/01/31/the-rathbone-we-never-knew/comment-page-1/#comment-483387
1 Feb 2012, 07:50 am
To be emotionally abused is much worse than physical abusive.
I know a lady who is in the same position as Clyde’s wife….she has been in it for the last 20 or so years……she is mentally and pyhsically drained by her abusive husband who suffers from depression and bi-polar. Its really bad.
1 Feb 2012, 21:34 pm
@bryce_in_oz-6:
Amazing how a struggle can take you to the top.
Think about the saying in the movie “Catch me if you can” – be the mouse that churns the butter into cream.
1 Feb 2012, 23:11 pm
go clyde.
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